Married Life: The Pronoun Problem

I got married at what I would consider young. I was 23, had already graduated with my college degree and had a full-time job. I was ready to marry my best friend, the man that I knew I was meant to be with. I was fully aware of what I was getting into.

Many people warned me about marriage. How annoying it can be; how hard it can be; but how it's worth it in the end. I felt my future husband and I were both very logical about our decision to get married and both of our families supported us.

We tied the knot on October 12, 2012.

And what I learned in the first year of our marriage, is something no one warned me about.

No matter how logically prepared for marriage you think you are, you aren't. There's something that happens when you get married: nothing is yours. Nothing. You may think it's yours, but it's not. It's what I call the pronoun problem.

Before marriage and even during your engagement, things are still "mine" "I" "yours". Sure, there will be things you share, but it's still not "we" or "ours". That changed when we got married and let's just say I wasn't prepared for it.

I thought of the bedroom as "my bedroom" and the couch as "my couch". Sure, it was my husband's too but it was mine. Well, I'm telling you it's not. And in the first six months of being married, it was something I had to learn to get over.

If we had a small argument, even if it was in jest, I would say "well that's mine" and my husband would say "no it's not, it's ours". Wait, what? What do you mean MY pillow is YOURS and that soap that I BOUGHT isn't MINE?

When you get married, things aren't divided in half anymore. They are whole. That pillow, even if you use it, is your husband's. The furniture you bought, is his too. This may not sound like a big deal, but it's very hard to combine lives - let alone objects.

I am not a submissive person. I like to fight for what I think is right; I'm outspoken and I'm not quick to compromise. But in a marriage, there are sacrifices you need to make to keep your spouse happy. I'm not talking about picking up their underwear off of the bathroom floor every morning, or maybe I am.

I remember one instance in particular, when we were getting heated about money. I was very stubborn about how my salary was spent. I remember yelling from the top of the stairs,"I work and I make money and I will do whatever I want with it."

Just pause for a second. He pays our bills too. And how mean can I possibly get? Thank God for my gracious husband. I would've kicked me out. In my selfish mind, I thought I had the right to buy whatever I wanted. This simply isn't true. When you get married, you become a team. How could I forget this so easily? I had even written it in my vows. We are a team. Nothing is mine. It is OURS.

I've since corrected my pronoun problem, because I understand we are in this together. If I wanted to be married to myself and not have to share my towels with anyone, I'd be living a very lonely life.

To combat selfishness, we give each other grace. There are days where I want a manicure and I simply won't have it any other way; he gives me grace and $20. There are days where he really, really needs to order something useless on Amazon, and I have to let myself let him.

The best thing I've learned in the first nearly-two years of marriage is to have grace; and re-learn my pronouns.

Baked Low-Carb Tortilla Chips

I like eating low carb, but I do have a hang up when it comes to dips. I can eat a lot of dip recipes like buffalo chicken dip, or a zucchini-based hummus, but I get sick of dipping with veggies. I've attempted baking low-carb tortillas for sometime, but they never crisp up enough to actually dip. I decided to try just one more time and FINALLY - success! I think it was the low-carb tortillas I purchased. This time I used Mission Carb Balance. Yes; they are six grams of carbs for one tortilla - but they are burrito size and enormous.

So here's what I did:

I used my pizza cutter to slice my tortillas into narrow triangles. I also think the smaller they are, the better they crisp up.

I prepared a cookie sheet with a lot of non-stick spray - like a lot. More than you'd think. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees.

Then I brushed the tortilla triangles with olive oil, sprinkled with a Mexican spice mix, because I was dipping the chips into guacamole. You don't have to do this; you could just sprinkle a little sea salt, which I would recommend over nothing at all. I baked the chips for exactly eight minutes; don't ask me why, I just know it worked.

Look at how crisp! I let them cool on a cutting board then put them in tupperware once completely cooled; you don't want to wind up with soggy chips.

They stood up to my chunky guacamole perfectly! If you've been searching for a low-carb chip, I suggest you try this method!

Lemon Garlic Tilapia

This is one of my husband's favorite dinners. It's simple, it's healthy and it's delicious. When you're sick of chicken, tilapia is a nice change of pace. It's a flaky white fish that is very inexpensive. I use things that I always have my kitchen: garlic, lemon and butter. There's a reason why this is a classic flavor combination! By adding crushed garlic cloves to your butter, you're creating a slightly garlicky flavor that won't overwhelm the fish. You can always play with this recipe by adding in some of your favorite dried herbs, or even some crushed red pepper flakes for some spice!

I usually serve this easy fish dish with some roasted asparagus or steamed broccoli. 

Ingredients:

4  tilapia filets

4 garlic cloves

zest of one lemon

2 tablespoons butter

1 tablespoon olive oil

salt, pepper

Directions:

1. Pat dry your tilapia filets with paper towels. You want them to be dry when they hit the pan, so that they create a nice crust. Season both sides with salt, pepper and sprinkle with lemon zest.

2. Heat a skillet (I use non-stick) over medium high heat. Add the tablespoon of olive oil and the butter.

3. while your skillet is heating up, smash your garlic cloves. Smash them. Hard. Peel them and throw them into your skillet. As the butter and oil melt, the crushed garlic will flavor it.

4. Once your butter is melted and your garlic is slightly golden, place the seasoned tilapia in the pan. Fish cooks quickly, so keep your eye on it. It should take about 4 minutes on the first side. If the fish doesn't want to move, don't flip it yet. The hot pan is creating a golden crust. Once your fish is flipped, cook it for 2-3 minutes on the second side.

5.  For an added bit of lemon,  squeeze  fresh lemon juice on top. Serve hot and enjoy!

Baked Fish Tacos with Lime Slaw

Here's an experiment for my Monday night dinner. Last week I watched Food Network's Anne Burrell make fish tacos. I love spicy fish wrapped up in a tortilla with a cool coleslaw - who doesn't? Her recipe looked easy enough so I thought I'd try it out. It's also baked, not fried like many other recipes I've seen out there.

After failing to find her exact recipe, I re-watched her video and came up with my own creation. She had some extra things added into the slaw. I didn't have all of the extra veggies on hand, and the slaw came out great without them. You can easily adjust spices for even the most delicate of palates. My husband and I enjoy a little heat, but I don't think it was overdone. 

Let me know how you customized this recipe for yourself in the comments!

Ingredients

For the fish:

1 pound tilapia, or other firm white fish

1 teaspoon smoked paprika

2 teaspoons cumin

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1/4 cup olive oil

juice and zest of one lime

For the slaw:

1 package (16 oz.) of coleslaw mix

1/2 cup mayonaise

juice and zest of one lime

1 teaspoon cumin

1 teaspon chili powder

1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper, or to taste

corn or flour tortillas; your choice!

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Wrap your tortillas in aluminum foil; put them in the oven.

Zest and juice the limes into two different bowls. I used one bowl for the fish and one for the slaw, to simplify things. In the first bowl, whisk the olive oil with the lime juice and zest to incorporate it. Whisk in smoked paprika, cumin, chili powder, cayenne, salt and pepper to taste. Add the bite sized tilapia to the marinade. You can marinate it overnight, but with the lime juice I would suggest only a few hours maximum.

In the second bowl, whisk the mayonnaise into the zested and juiced lime. Add in the cumin, chili powder and cayenne, along with salt and pepper; whisk to combine. Toss the cole slaw into the dressing and let sit in the refrigerator while you finish the fish. This step can be done the day before, or just a few hours before.

Bake the tilapia on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper (easy clean up) in a single layer for 8-10 minutes, or until the fish is white and flaky.

Wrap up the baked fish, with some slaw and even a little avocado - enjoy!

Low carb option: ditch the tortilla, and serve the fish over a bed of coleslaw! All of of the flavor AND low in carbs! Perfect.

Spicy Garlic Kale

Kale. It's good for you. That's why I started cooking it. I find that it tastes a little like spinach, but it can be more bitter. It can also be very dirty. Be sure to thoroughly wash it. I've read the easiest thing to do is throw the kale (once torn into smaller pieces and off of the stems) into a bowl of water with a tablespoon or two of vinegar. Let it loosen the dirt by soaking it for a few minutes, then rinse it twice. Drying in a salad spinner is easiest; or let it drain and pat with paper towels.

As for cooking the kale, I typically just saute it in olive oil with salt and pepper, but tonight I decided to take it up a notch.

This time around, I added in my two favorite ingredients: garlic and crushed red pepper flakes. I guarantee you'll make this dish as a side more than once a week. It cooks up incredibly fast, and it goes great with chicken, fish, steak... you get the idea.

Ingredients:

2 bunches of kale, torn into pieces

2 tablespoons olive oil

4 garlic cloves, minced

1 tablespoon crushed red pepper flakes

salt, pepper

Directions:

1. Heat a skillet with the two tablespoons of olive oil, over medium heat.

2. Mince the garlic and add to the heated pan along with the crushed red pepper flakes.

3. Swirl the garlic and crushed red pepper flakes around the pan; you want the olive oil to become infused.

4. Once the garlic has become slightly golden, add in the kale. Use tongs to toss the kale in the infused oil.

5. Turn the heat down to low. Allow the kale to wilt for about 2-3 minutes. Serve immediately.
And there you have it! The fastest, tasty and healthiest side dish you'll make during the week!

Do you have a favorite way to prepare kale? Let me know in the comments!